bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
