so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
