guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
