I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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