I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
