i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
