The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
