If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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