I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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