After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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