he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
