yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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