I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
