Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need moral support for this bender
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
