After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize