HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
