My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
