It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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