HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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