They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
