Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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