What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
