Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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