And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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