You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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