Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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