i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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