dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
