So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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