is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
