I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
