We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
