I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
