My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
