My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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