i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
