I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
