Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
