9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
