My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
