they need to just BURY HIM!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
