so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
