her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
