I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
