I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
