we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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