Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
