I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize