i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
