i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
