If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
