Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
