i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
