Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
