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• (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time

  Fav 19 2876 923

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm coming over.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.

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• (914): View more from New York

  It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.

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