just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
