he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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