Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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