can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
