i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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