i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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