Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
