I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
