you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
