My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
