Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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