Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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