she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
