Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
