just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
