PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
