Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
