you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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